productivity so I can slowmaxx
The selling point of being productive lies in the promise of more— a bigger life, a fuller plate. We love the little hacks, timers, and to-do lists that make us feel important. The dopamine rush from feeling accomplished, from bragging about the number of hours we’ve studied, is not so different from a slot machine— a glimmering game designed to keep us hooked on the illusion of progress.
The same way gym bros ego-lift, over-achievers ego-suffer of who can work the most, who can tolerate the most pain. But as I’ve written before, I’m over suffering without a purpose. I’m done with comparing the hours spent in the library. I’m done with habit streaks and crossed-off to-do lists, when they are really a disguise of conditional self-love.
Productivity for me serves a different purpose: to be able to completely relax for the rest of my day. To read long essays and esoteric philosophical books, to spend hours in polish stores finding specific ingredients for my eastern european desserts, to spend 15+ minutes grinding my coffee beans and waiting for my mocha pot to boil a bitter, chocolately creation, to lay under fuzzy covers listening to guitar music, to just get proper rest.
In this quest to slowmaxx, I’ve found the best way to be productive:
write out a list of everything you want to do
pick three things and categorize them as priority, urgent, and essential
ignore the rest of the list
This way of categorizing and focusing on three things has shown me how I really need to spend my time.
writing, reading, learning have become priority, when they were usually on the bottom of my never-ending to-do list. They are no longer quick indulgences I save for the end, but rituals that have completely transformed the way I move through the world. What I learn at school becomes an opportunity to integrate into my life instead of a useless fact to memorize. I’m always thinking about how the ideas I encounter in my life connect, how they build off of each other, and how they relate to me. The experiences I have become stories I can write about or windows and metaphors to larger ideas. Nothing just happens, everything can be alchemized into art, into my ideas, into my notebook of muses and inspirations. My notes app has become more interesting than Instagram reels.
communication and starting on assignments with deadlines have become urgent. I usually postpone replies because I’m waiting for a magical time where I can sit down and be fully present to write back. The time never comes, and so it always gets physically delayed, but mentally builds into a huge snowball that takes up precious mental RAM
movement, meal-prepping, and cleaning have become my essentials. Doing something for my body, even just stretching, helps me feel more connected to myself on days that require heavy cerebral power or following a packed schedule. It’s also so nice to start the week with meal-prepping, knowing I don’t have to worry about when I’m going to get hungry. My beetroot burritos with meat, eggs, avocado, and cheese have been the most sustainable fuel for long days. I can just throw a burrito into my bag and have it wherever and whenever, knowing I’ll be satiated. Finally, cleaning my space makes me feel pleasantly renewed. It’s a simple habit that gives you the new-year, new me restart feeling.
All this planning and prioritizing doesn’t feel good. I’m acutely aware of what I’m losing— higher grades, textbook knowledge, sugary cinnamon rolls, validation from professors, being seen as active and involved, party invites and friends, and so on. But what I gain is far more valuable—knowing that I’m moving the needle towards the direction I want, every day.
It’s hard because it’s difficult to justify to others. “You’re not staying longer to study? You’re already going home? To do what?” They would never understand that for me, it’s far more important to watch videos and write notes on systems thinking and cognition, than memorize the eight different forms of vitamin E.
I’m playing the long-term championship, prioritizing what will bring me to my ultimate goal, rather than winning the next game. It requires courage to lose a battle in favor of winning the war. The shift requires a kind of radical trust—a trust in myself, in my vision, in the belief that the work I’m doing today, even if it’s imperfect and illogical to others, is laying the groundwork for the life I actually want. But what I’ve found, is that if you have the courage, and you throw yourself towards the life you want, not only do you survive, but you soar.
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.” ―Terence McKenna